Sharing a difficult story about cervical screening, with writer Brittany Chaffee
OverlookedJuly 09, 2024x
5
00:26:18

Sharing a difficult story about cervical screening, with writer Brittany Chaffee

Brittany Chaffee talks about navigating cervical health testing, and recounts the moment she received an alarming call from her doctor, leading to years of anxiety, biopsies, and eventually, a harrowing LEEP procedure. Brittany emphasizes the importance of talking publicly about women’s health to combat shame and isolation. Show notes: ‘The powerful act of sharing our stories about women’s health.’ https://witanddelight.com/2021/07/the-powerful-act-of-sharing-our-stories-about-womens-health/ What is a LEEP procedure? https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/4711-loop-electrosurgical-excision-procedure-leep What is a colposcopy? https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/colposcopy/about/pac-20385036 More information on cervical cancer screening: https://www.acog.org/womens-health/videos/cervical-cancer-screening We’re building a community around women’s health so that no one is overlooked. You can support the show by: -Subscribing to the Overlooked newsletter on the website: www.overlookedpod.com -Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. -Sharing this episode with someone who will find it useful and relevant. -Write to us and tell us your story: hello@overlookedpod.com

Brittany Chaffee talks about navigating cervical health testing, and recounts the moment she received an alarming call from her doctor, leading to years of anxiety, biopsies, and eventually, a harrowing LEEP procedure. Brittany emphasizes the importance of talking publicly about women’s health to combat shame and isolation. 

Show notes:

‘The powerful act of sharing our stories about women’s health.’ 

What is a LEEP procedure?

What is a colposcopy?

More information on cervical cancer screening

 

We’re building a community around women’s health so that no one is overlooked. You can support the show by:

-Subscribing to the Overlooked newsletter on the website: www.overlookedpod.com

-Leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. 

-Sharing this episode with someone who will find it useful and relevant.

-Write to us and tell us your story: hello@overlookedpod.com

[00:00:00] I got a call from the doctor that was very doctor-y. I was at work on like a Tuesday, and they said, I don't remember exactly what they did. The word cervical cancer was in there. This is Brittany Chaffee. She's a writer in St. Paul Minneapolis,

[00:00:15] and she's talking about a call from a doctor that came in after she had done a pap smear, an annual screening test for cervical cancer. And they said, we need to have you back. Your pap was abnormal,

[00:00:26] and we need to have you come back in, have a biopsy, and check for signs of cervical cancer. And I almost, I remember the feeling of you kind of black out, but you're not,

[00:00:39] you're just the fear that was lodged inside of me. I had to go into the stairwell and cry, because I was so terrified. And I was young. I was probably 25. It was 10 years ago. But anyway, I was young and terrified. And that was such an unknown to me.

[00:00:56] Even though now I know it's so common, HPV, which is what I have, is so common. HPV is human papillomavirus, and it is a common infection. Most infections are harmless, but some can cause cancer. About 79 million Americans have HPV.

[00:01:17] 80% of women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lifetime. And I felt so alone in that stairwell. And I was so scared. I felt so much shame, because HPV is, it's shameful. You feel gross. You feel, you feel icky.

[00:01:40] And when I slowly discovered and started talking to about it with a few of my friends, they've all had abnormal pap. Almost all of them. I mean, it was like, 80% of them had had abnormal pap. She was like, oh yeah, we've gone back.

[00:01:53] I've gotten a biopsy. I've gotten a biopsy. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. And I was like, if I would have just known how common this is, it would have removed the shame.

[00:02:01] It would have removed the fear. It would have removed so many things for me. And that's why I said, I am going to write about this because if I can at least touch

[00:02:10] one woman and they hear the story and they can relate to me in some way and they don't feel alone. Because women were kind of always been thought to be like polite and quiet and keep

[00:02:28] to ourselves and don't talk too much about it. And I just didn't want to be quite about that because I did feel so alone and I want people to be seen. This is Overlooked, a women's health podcast, and I'm Golda Arthur.

[00:02:44] In this episode, Brittany Chafee tells me the rest of her story, how she had nine years of abnormal pap smears after that first one in 2012 and how those tests were followed by a colposcopy where the cervix is examined closely by a special microscope to look for cancerous tissue

[00:03:04] and how eventually Brittany had what she describes as a harrowing procedure to remove abnormal tissue from the cervix. We talk about how difficult it is to get past shame and blame to a place of acceptance and knowledge of our bodies. Brittany wrote about all of this

[00:03:24] in an article called The Powerful Act of Sharing Our Stories About Women's Health. And in it, she began by telling the story of this first memorable test result back in 2012. Head to OverlookedPod.com for our show notes which have more details on some of the health

[00:03:43] issues and procedures mentioned in this episode and to learn more about Brittany and read her piece. So, hey Brittany, thank you so much for joining me on Overlooked. Thank you for doing this conversation.

[00:03:58] Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to be here. I want to ask you about the idea that the headline is based on which is, you know, I'm going to pick out this word sharing. So it's true that it is powerful to

[00:04:09] share difficult moments but it is not easy. And so I want you to tell me about what led you to make the decision to very publicly share this intensely personal stuff.

[00:04:21] Yes, well part of it might be the lineup of the stars because I am a Leo so I do love and I'm able to put myself out there a little more and a writer, right? We have to be

[00:04:33] very vulnerable to write powerful things but I think what made me put it out there was my health story and what I experienced at a pap smear when I had an abnormal pap.

[00:04:47] So are you saying that any fear you may have had at, or any nervousness you may have had at going public with this? And some of these details are, you know, they're very embodied as it were.

[00:05:00] Any fear you may have had about that was less than your frustration over, you know, this idea of like why are we alone in this? Why are we not talking about that? Would that be the case? Is that what you're saying?

[00:05:12] Yes, I think that's true. And I think the frustration came later as I started to educate myself more about it. I mean, in high school we learned like don't have sex or you'll die.

[00:05:22] Like that's like the mean girl's way but like I didn't, I wasn't educated about it. So at first it was the fear and then the frustration about, you know, all the things like preventative

[00:05:31] health care and the cost and that unknown came later. Yeah. So this was back in 2012. Is that right? Yeah. So let's take it back to 2012 and I want to pick up on something that you

[00:05:42] said, you said the phone call that you got was very doctorly. Yes. What does that mean? What was that phone call like? It was so unemphathetic. Like it was just so like you have this problem

[00:05:55] where you need to come back. I mean biopsy, colchoscopy, like all these words that I didn't know, leap procedures like all these doctorly words, very stoic. I'm going to send you to make

[00:06:07] an appointment. I'm going to send you to someone else and I just wanted to cry and they weren't going to be my mother about it. You know, they weren't going to be maternal to me or

[00:06:15] empathetic at all. Yeah. So it was just stiff. And you wrote actually in your piece that you blamed yourself. What was going through your head? Well, when I heard of HPV it was,

[00:06:27] I went to college in 2006 to 2010. So I got my HPV shots really late. I was a woman in the Britney Spears era, a budding woman in the Britney Spears era. Like I was a girl that

[00:06:39] wasn't, you know, I felt that was my fault. Like, you know, HPV lives dormant in men. And that's where I was like, oh, it's my fault that I was promiscuous. It's my fault

[00:06:52] that I put myself out there or that was like sexual. I brought myself to this if it wasn't for me and if it wasn't for being with a man or whatever, doing something stupid in college is what

[00:07:05] have happened. Or if you would have been more adamant about getting HPV shots, you would, it's, this is your fault. And I felt gross. Like I can't, I felt like turned inside out gross. Like I felt like a sexually transmitted disease. It is.

[00:07:20] Like that's what it is. And I couldn't blame anyone else but myself. There was no other option for me. I probably do that a lot. I go to therapy for that, but like,

[00:07:32] yeah, it was so easy to find shame. It was just, I couldn't blame anyone else but myself, which is such a disappointment. So there you were, afraid, alone and feeling ashamed. What happened next? So I went to go get a colcoscopy is what they called it.

[00:07:49] I had no idea what that was. I got to the doctor and they do the weighing and they had me do a P sample. You got to figure out if you're pregnant. I was such a dork, I was like, oh, I haven't had

[00:07:59] any coffee, but I'll give it my own college try, you know, to try to pee in a cup and, you know, how cool you're trying to be. And I don't look at the weight scale.

[00:08:05] And I tried to like avert my gaze and no idea what I was expecting out of a colcoscopy. I don't know what this is. Maybe it's just like a normal pap smear. I have no idea.

[00:08:15] They just said, you know, we're going to scrape some additional, we're going to get to biopsy. We're going to take some, you know, where the cells are, we're going to scoop those up and we're

[00:08:22] going to test the cells to see if they're a threat. That's kind of I think the basic kind of summary of what I got. But the whole thing was kind of harrowing and awful. Like I went

[00:08:34] in, they did the procedure. I went home. They gave me a big jumbo pad to walk out with and you just feel kind of violated. And then I had to come back. They said that the

[00:08:46] doctor wasn't aggressive enough. We have another doctor that she's a little more advanced or a little more senior doctor and she did it. And it was so painful. I don't even know how to,

[00:08:56] like it was just, I don't even know how to describe it. I mean, I've had a baby now. It's obviously not as painful as that, but it was something that I probably should have had some

[00:09:05] kind of, you know, something to help me. And they just said, you know, we'll be in contact with you when we test the results and then you'll just have to come back in a year. As long as you

[00:09:16] have an abnormal path, you have to keep coming back in every year. And once you have a non-abnormal one, then it can be three years after that or something like that. So I remember, I know where I was

[00:09:26] when I got the call that it was fine. And I, but in between that time, I think what was worse than the doctor's appointment was the time between the doctor's appointment and the time

[00:09:35] I got the call. I was just, I thought, I thought my life was over. I walked around like I was going to have cancer. I just, that's what I expected because I didn't know about it.

[00:09:46] And I didn't know the commonalities of it. They gave me a brochure that was made in 2003. And it looked like it was made in the 80s and it was like, this is what cervical

[00:09:56] cancer. And I'm like, what is this? Like, this does not speak to me. It is so, it's like I'm reading an encyclopedia in a tiny pamphlet and it had those like faded blue photos

[00:10:05] on it, you know? Like it was in the sun for like 20 years. And I was like, this gives me no comfort whatsoever. And then I got the call. I was driving by this beautiful pond and it was my doctor.

[00:10:15] And she said, we're all good. Like my doctor is actually, my OB was really empathetic and sweet. She's not the one that did the colchoscopy, but she was really like, you're all good.

[00:10:23] Like we'll just come back in a year, have a good day. And I was like, oh my God. And I felt like I had new life. Like I was just like, oh my God. But it took such,

[00:10:31] it just took such a chunk out of a good two weeks, like three weeks of my life. Like it was just, I was so terrified. That was my first experience. Yeah, my God, understandably so. Yeah. And you said you've had abnormal pap smears after that for 10 years. Yes.

[00:10:48] Were they all like what you've just described? Yeah. Each year got a little more like, I just kind of, I expect it. Like, I think they kept coming back. They were a little worse, so they clearly weren't getting

[00:10:59] better. My body just wasn't healing them. And that frustrated me too. Cause I was like, then I blame myself again. I'm like, what am I doing wrong? Am I overweight? Am I drinking too much? Am I staying, I'm not getting enough sleep.

[00:11:12] I'm not taking care of myself. Why isn't my body fixing this? And it was cost, it's cost me a fortune. Like it was at least $600 to $800 out of pocket every time.

[00:11:24] And I was not making any money. It was early in my career. So I would have to put it, I have to make a plan with the doctor and I would pay X amount every month. And by the time I paid

[00:11:34] that big bill off, I'd have to go in for another one. And I would take weird symptoms like a back hurting or something as a problem. You know, I would just, I was worrying constantly. Yeah. So you were in that state of paranoia? Yes. Absolutely. All the time.

[00:11:48] Well, so after, after this like regular harrowing experience in the state of anxiety and paranoia, we come up to 2021. Tell me what happened in 2021? So that pap smear my doctor told me that the cells had become more threatening. So

[00:12:07] my doctor said, she's like, I know you're frustrated, but this is why we watch you every year. And then she said, you know, it got your cells at this level three. So the next thing you

[00:12:19] can do is schedule a leap, which is I'm not going to pronounce this right, but it's a loop electro surgical excision procedure. That's a mouthful. So they take a wire loop that honestly

[00:12:34] looks like, I don't even know a tool that you use at a nail salon or something, but it's heated by an electric current to remove cells and tissues in your cervix. And this is, I found

[00:12:45] out later after the procedure, the size of your pinky is how much cervix they take out. It's a lot. And she said, you know, this, this is the one thing we can do. We don't, we won't laser the

[00:12:56] cells. So this is, this won't bring too much of a risk in childbearing like we can still do this. I was so frustrated by the constantness of these abnormal paps. And now we're at a

[00:13:06] point where they're getting a little more sketchy. So let's do a leap and I say, okay, we'll schedule this. And obviously this is also more expensive. This is like $1,500 out of pocket. This is a little more. So let me ask you this, what was going through your

[00:13:18] mind when the doctor is telling you that you, that you have to have this leap procedure? I think at this point, since it had been 10 years, I was a little like, let's do this.

[00:13:30] Like I'm a little bit more in fighter mode at this point, a little like ready to just do what I need to do to get those cells out of there. Kind of nervous that the next year

[00:13:40] following, they'd still be there even though I'd have to go through this and a little worried about the pain factor. But that was it. Like I felt like at this point I was so like used to being in

[00:13:51] the unknown that I was just ready to get it over with. I don't know. I felt more, I felt more grizzly about this one. Yeah. So tell me what happened when you walked into do your, your leap procedure and just describe that scene to me really fully.

[00:14:05] Yeah. Well, typically for all of the pap smears I would go into a tinier room. And obviously this room that I went into was bigger and it looked kind of like a,

[00:14:14] it was more surgical and the lights were brighter and there was no like chair to sit on. And there was those ugly paintings, those weird paintings in the blue walls and there was a window and it was raining out that day. And I remember that.

[00:14:28] And it was just, they walked in, which is like, you know, obviously this kind of liminal experience of just walking in there. And there was a huge machine in there and it looked like a backup generator. It was, like it was made in the 80s as all

[00:14:44] doctor equipment looks. And there was a nurse in training that was shadowing the main nurse and she gave me like the quick intro to the procedure and the blood pressure.

[00:14:55] And she told me about the sound of the machine. She said it, you know, the machine sounds a bit like a vacuum and like she was prepping me for the sound, which was, I thought very peculiar.

[00:15:06] But she said also that the machine might make me legs feel like there's an electric wave in my legs while it was on. And she goes, she just nonchalantly said the shot of adrenaline is honestly

[00:15:17] the worst part. And I was, I was like, excuse me, a shot of adrenaline, like in my vagina. Like, is that what you're saying? And I right there, I had felt so grisly going in, like I said,

[00:15:39] and I instantly panicked. Like I was like, Oh, oh my God, what adrenaline I've never, what does, what does that mean? And I almost, like, I almost wanted to pass out. And I said,

[00:15:48] well, do you could I have some, do you guys have food? I didn't, I didn't prep it and eat. It was in the morning. So they gave me crackers and apple juice. And let me tell you, it is really hard to

[00:15:56] eat crackers really fast and chug with apple juice like a little kid that I felt really childish because they gave me this tiny little kid apple juice. And I felt like a little kid

[00:16:07] and I wanted my mom, but I ate my crackers and I sat back. They're like, just relax, just, you know, try to picture yourself in somewhere magical. And that was impossible. But they shot my cervix with numbing medicine, which great thank you, I guess, because they're

[00:16:29] going to take such a large portion out of my cervix. So and then they kind of prepped me for the adrenaline shot, which they said you're gonna, you're gonna feel like right before you do a

[00:16:40] presentation or you stand in front of a big group and do a presentation, but it's going to be amplified by about 10 times. And it's gonna last for about 30 seconds. I said, okay,

[00:16:48] I can handle that. Like that's fine. I can handle that. But the adrenaline was the worst part. Like it, I felt like I was instantly in like the anxiety and out of breath. And I felt like

[00:16:59] I was about to give a million presentations naked in front of a big crowd. And I kind of just laid there another flex on my stomach. They turned the machine on, it did sound like a vacuum

[00:17:09] and kind of sitting there dealing with my recent sudden adrenaline rush, they took that wire loop. It's about the size of a thumb. You know, they literally burn your cervix afterwards to stop

[00:17:22] any bleeding. And they kind of told me about that as I was laying there, they said, okay, next we're gonna, we're gonna actually burn the cervix so it seals that wound. I thought they were just

[00:17:31] going to like a biopsy. I thought it was just going to be a bigger biopsy. And I was just learning it as I went sitting there. And then it's then they're like, okay, we're done. And here's

[00:17:40] a Tylenol and a diaper to wear out of the hospital and don't have sex for two weeks. Don't bend over and pick up anything. Don't go on a run. Don't do any strenuous activity and

[00:17:54] just come back next year for another path to make sure that we took care of those cells and have a good day. So it was over very quickly. I mean, it was only about

[00:18:03] it was literally, I bet I was laying there for about five minutes at the most, five, 10 minutes of the adrenaline between the numbing shot and the adrenaline and the burning. It's like we're witches. But yeah. And you know, they just,

[00:18:17] they told me to have a good day and don't do sheer vagina. So sorry for using it. I don't know. Is it bad use the word vagina? I keep saying vagina. No, it is. It is very good to use

[00:18:29] the word vagina on this show. I figured I was fine. How did you feel after that? I can't imagine how did you feel? I think I was just tired and nervous that I would hurt something

[00:18:43] and just so mad that I didn't know about any of that. And I was walking into that completely blind. So it was like a fine balance of wanting to like shout on the rooftops and then wanting

[00:18:55] to hide in a room at the same time and feeling scared that it didn't work. I kind of defeated feeling, I guess. So that was three years ago. And what has the last three years been like? And

[00:19:06] how are things now? Well, I went back a year later and had another abnormal pap smear, which was extremely difficult for me because I went through all that even makes me a little emotional now.

[00:19:20] But they said we just couldn't, you just have such a high stage of abnormal cells, we just couldn't get rid of all of them. Like there are still some there. And then I was

[00:19:29] just furious that I paid all that money. At this point, I did the math. I think I had paid almost $8,000 out of pocket. My goodness. I think I'd paid my last bill, went to get the pap and

[00:19:40] they're like, yeah, we didn't get all of them. But do you want to start having children? And that is exactly the same year Jake and I started talking about having kids. And my doctor, God,

[00:19:47] she says, she's just a doctor and I know she's trying to help. But she started giving me advice. She's like, you don't smoke? I'm like, no, she's like, you drink? I'm like, yeah,

[00:19:55] I have an occasional cocktail. And she said, well, my advice, if you want to get pregnant quickly, lose 10 pounds and just stay away from the alcohol a little bit. And I was like, easy. Excuse me.

[00:20:09] Lose 10 pounds. As if I haven't done enough. And it was such a turn off. I actually didn't go back to that OB because I had moved anyway and I wanted to get a new one. But it was such

[00:20:21] a slap in the face because it was like, so it's my fault that I have this problem. And also it's my fault if I don't get pregnant right away to fix the problem. So I ended up getting pregnant

[00:20:33] that fall. And I had Lila in May a year ago. And I healed from that. It's been, you know, 11 months postpartum. I went in two months ago for my annual pap. And it was the first clear

[00:20:46] pap. Oh, I've had. Oh my goodness. 12 years. So yeah, Lila, my little girlie saved me. No, she sorted me out. She sorted me out. So it was, I couldn't believe it. I was like,

[00:21:00] oh my God, I get a whole year. And now maybe I think I don't need to go back. Well, I'll probably go back next year again just to check. But what a relief. But it's,

[00:21:09] that's not the case either. Because I know people are still having abnormal paps and you should feel relieved even if you do have an abnormal pap. But it was, it was a type of freedom that I haven't had in a long time.

[00:21:42] Well, I'm really glad to hear that, you know, you got a clear pap a couple of months ago. Thank you. I should have a clear pap party. You should have a clear pap party.

[00:21:52] Can we have those? That's the new baby shower. You can do whatever the hell you like to do, right now. Yeah. I mean, you know, I will say, I feel like my toes are currently

[00:22:02] listening to your story. And so I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to tell it. But you tell it with such grace. Oh, thank you. And I think it's just evidence that you

[00:22:12] really, you put your money where your mouth is, you know, you really do believe that we must share these things. I want to go back to your piece for a second. You talk about the,

[00:22:22] and I quote, polite quiet hum of women's health and how that needs to be changed. Do you see that changing, Brittany? Or not really not fast enough, not well enough? I don't think I see it changing fast enough. I still even in my experience having a baby,

[00:22:42] I went back after my six week appointment and it was, do you want to have another kid? Are you ready to have sex again? Here's some, they use some lube. Here's birth, you want birth control?

[00:22:51] And I don't want to blame doctors. I think it's just how we are representing women in the health system and how we are so hushed. And so put aside, we're not given the mental health support. We go to the six week appointment. It's all about having sex. Like,

[00:23:06] I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about how I'm feeling because I'm not feeling great. I mean, I still think that's happening and I still think women feel quiet

[00:23:16] and we feel like we have to sit back on our hodges and just take it. But are there things changing there? Good things changing? I know, you know, maternity leave is getting a little longer or,

[00:23:24] you know, there's things here and there, but, and I think we are, I think women are feeling energized to talk and to tell their stories. This podcast, what you've been doing, this is

[00:23:36] so wonderful. I can't tell you how great this podcast is to have women, if I would have, if I just would have had this, you know, when I was 25, I think women themselves, which that's

[00:23:49] why the world changes is because of women telling their stories. The more people that tell their stories, the more that tell them, like it's just like a domino, a beautiful domino effect. I think that part is getting better. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you.

[00:24:03] I feel kind of emotional about it as well when I think about it. Is there anything you want to add, Brittany, that I have not asked? You know, I just think me saying just a little tidbit about women feeling alone because I felt

[00:24:17] alone in multiple aspects of my journey as a woman, especially in my health journey. But women aren't. They're not, you know, alone when the doctor comes back with results showing like you're too fat or you drink too much or you, the cells are getting worse. Like you

[00:24:34] were not alone in that. You're not too fat and you're not, it's not your body's fault. And when you wonder what that means and where that will take you next year or the next,

[00:24:44] you are not alone when the doctor tells you that you can get pregnant faster if you lose some weight or you're not alone when you get the bill. And most importantly, women are not alone when

[00:24:53] you feel like you are alone. There's so many women that are going through this and we all get through it. And yeah, that's probably what I would have told myself 10, 10, 15 years ago

[00:25:03] when I was experiencing it for the first time. Thank you. Thank you again for sharing your story with me on the show and with all our listeners on the show. And I hope that going forward,

[00:25:15] you just get lots of, you have an annual clear pat party. I honestly might. I don't know what we'll serve there. Maybe just we'll blow bubbles out of actual. Well, yeah, no adrenaline, no burning. Maybe we'll burn. I don't know. We'll burn those pamphlets.

[00:25:36] We'll burn shame to the ground. We will. Yes. No shame. No shame. Awesome. Thank you so much, Brittany. Yes. Thank you for having me. We're building a community around women's health so that no one is overlooked.

[00:25:53] Subscribe to the overlooked newsletter so you can be part of that community. Overlooked is written and produced by me, Golda Arthur. Jessica Martinez-Jose is the show's associate producer. Tell us what you think of the podcast by leaving us a review on Apple

[00:26:09] Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you're listening to this. And thanks for listening.

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